To force a new is to be powerful.
To live without him is to be alone.
Is to be free.
Is to be lonely. Sometimes.
There are no wide stretch lips here.
No pearl teeth out.
The pit in my stomach has started to fill
With cheese and slight conversation.
Fill with two new year’s eve kisses from two best friends.
Fill with ridding myself of guilt,
And never describing myself as selfish again.
The pit has been touched.
Through platonic kisses and loving hugs.
But this pit is still empty with purpose.
With not knowing how to talk to my parents.
And sister’s friends.
This pit in me is still empty.
Yesterday my stomach felt a hard laugh.
From two friends on my sofa
They made me smile like I did in August.
I am still missing motivation.
In my mind and body.
And I am still glued down.
Only sometimes moving.
My head has gotten heavy. From screens.
And looking under.
But tomorrow I will fill my day with water.
Hopefully the sun.
I will not watch moving pictures to escape this
Place in my head and stomach.
I will procrastinate productively.
To make a name for myself.
To write poems.
To be proud.
A winter day with endless time. Easy sleep.
And thoughts of freedom.
I am free.
Free at last.
Lost at last.